愿望

云顶回来好几天了。。
可是今天才有时间写部落格。。
在云顶的几天，幸亏有表妹表弟在。。
让我不会有那么多时间想东西。。
因为天天都在玩，都在笑。。
而我也有责任照顾他们。。
所以就只有在晚上入睡前回想东西。。
可是也不多，因为太累了。。
这样也不错。。
至少我开开心心享受这次的旅程。。
也比我想象中的好了很多。。

云顶回来的第二天我就要做工了。。
很累，可是也做了。。
那一天正好是他在1u最后一天上班。。
以后我想见他都难了。。
是好事还是坏事呢？？。。我不知道。。。
希望对我来说是件好事。。。
礼拜天。。接到信息。。
是他现在的学院同学。。
说他们想帮他分开庆祝生日。。
而我原本的计划是邀请他全部朋友。。
包括他的中学朋友，以前的学院朋友和现在的学院朋友来办个惊喜派对。。
但就在我以为这惊喜派对会成功时。。
他们却这样说，让我一时间不懂要怎样。。。
我很伤心。。。
因为我举办的event又失败了。。
因为我完成不到我的心愿。。
虽然说已经没有关系，但还是希望能在他的生日做些东西。。。

今天，打开fb。。
看到我看了后觉得很羡慕的东西。。
今天是我一个中学朋友的生日。。
他们有个组，7个人，名叫小七。。
他们7个人，加上其他中学补习的朋友。。
做了一个13分钟的短片送给她。。。
都不知道为什么最近这么流行送短片。。
但唯一不能否认的是，都很感人。。
看了后不禁为我明年的生日担心。。
虽然是言之过早，但就是很担心。。。
我从小到大的心愿不知要等到几时才有机会实现。。
尤其是最近我朋友出国的出国，做工的做工。。
几乎可说全都没有联络了。。
究竟还会有谁会记得我的生日？？。。
究竟还有谁会在意我的生日？？。。
所以我为他办了惊喜派对。。
因为我知道在我身上实现不到的东西。。
我想实现在别人身上。。

最近也认识了两个人。。
一男一女。。
都是电话上认识的。。
男的叫阿俊，是他介绍的。。
是他以前做工的同事。。
当我知道真相后我不想理阿俊了。。
我生气为什么他会擅自给别人我的号码而且也不事先跟我说。。
而且是个男的。。我也不想多加理会。。
女的叫阿娟，是文介绍的。。
是个踢，也是刚失恋没多久。。
文说她很好的，是个已绝种的好人。。
跟他信息觉得他好像不大想理睬我。。
有时很久都没回复，没信息她也不会找我的。。
拜六她跟我说拜一她在hulu langat有的生日派对，请我去。。
我说不能，因为太远也不懂要怎样去。。
也很怕去因为我不认识人，怕会被冷落。。
所以也邀请他礼拜来餐厅，我请他吃当庆祝。。
可是他拒绝了。。
也许我也不该怪他，毕竟是陌生人，没有见过面。。
而且现在想想，我以后也不该再在餐厅替谁谁谁庆祝生日了。。
餐厅。。实在有太多的回忆。。
让我想再想起都会留下眼泪。。。

这个部落格，写的都是我不开心的事。。
因为我不想再给别人的印象是，我是个伤心的人。。
所以唯有写下当发泄。。
在人面前就不可以露出伤心。。
不开心也要开心。。
开心不起也要扮开心。。
我真的不想再做个不开心的人。。。
希望我可以做到啦。。
这是我答应明所做的事。。。
明。。谢谢你。。我会努力的，会做到的。。
我会有一天不用扮开心的。。。
you are my true friend。。。

心情，想法，人生。。。

明天就要上云顶了。。
今晚有特别多的感触。。
因为一件事而让我联想到了很多不同的事。。。

因为云顶，有着我和她的回忆。。。
住着同一间酒店，逛着同一个地方。。
我不知道自己会有着怎样的心情。。
但知道就算心情有多坏我也不可以透露一丁点的伤心。。。
我不可以让我的亲戚看透我的心。。
今晚，人不在云顶，可是却一直回想着那时在云顶我和她所发生的每一件事。。
每一件事、每一个地点、每一个时间都有个回忆。。

我并不是自己，别人想象中的那么坚强。。
其实我也只不过是个普通的小女生。。
也会有懦弱，无助的时候。。
单身了一个多月。。
表面上我会看起来没事，不像发生了很多不开心的事。。。
可是有谁会知道，我有时也会暗地里的哭。。
而且也觉得自己变得越来越敏感起来。。。
看爱情片，会觉得为什么自己没有女主角幸福。。
为什么没有一个人好像男主角般地疼爱我。。。
看到朋友们跟他们的伴的甜蜜照片，会觉得自己没人疼爱而伤心。。
读着情侣的故事，会觉得很羡慕。。。
很想找个人来疼爱我。。
可是这又谈何容易？？。。
朋友不多，认识人少。。跑哪儿个人来疼我。。
有时自己会很矛盾。。
有时会很想谈恋爱，想有个人来疼我、爱我、宠我。。
可是有时却很怕再次地受伤害。。
那种痛，我不想再有。。。

我是很容易羡慕别人的人。。
当别人觉得是理所当然得到的东西，我却是就算怎样努力也得不到。。
这就是我的人生。。
自己也不晓得到底是那里出错了。。
可是很无疑的就是，这真正发生在我，Rica的身上。。。
很多人不明白，为什么我的心情那么不平复。。
可以这个时候哭，后个时候笑。。
有些人不明白为什么我时常不开心，时常哭。。
我想就可能因为这样所以我没有一个真正的朋友。。
大概也没有一个人是愿意跟一个喜怒无常的人做好朋友吧。。。
可是有多少个人真正了解我哭，不开心的原因。。
也有可能是别人不当一回事的事情我却很在意吧。。

没有想到一件事情，一个人的决定。。
就决定了我的心情，影响我的想法。。
从这刻起，我都尽量不再，不会告诉别人我的这些想法。。
因为我不想再让别人知道我不开心的事。。
不想再留下个不好的印象给别人。。
即使是戴着面具来做人，那又何妨。。
因为我想没有一个人会喜欢真正的我。。。
如果我做不到的话，那就会好像之前我所说的。。
会慢慢习惯一个人。。。。。。。

Trusty

Is quite moody today...
because of some sentences from someone...
why untill now she stil dont believe me??..
whatever i said she also dont believe...
she asked but after i answer u said i lie...
then why stil want to ask??...
i cant work on sunday is because my leg is really hurt...
is really pain...
this is the fact and also is the fact that i dont want...
why u still keep saying that is i lazy, dont want go work...
why still keep saying im pretending..
im not a faker....
and actually i do use dettlo to washed my hurt...
but why u said im telling lie...
is it just because the bottle that i used had dry up??...
temperature outside was so high, bottle is made of plastic and small...
somemore had pass 1 hour...ofcourse dry la...
moreover the tissues that i used were still inside the dusbin...
how can u said i lie??...
im not lying...
what u want me to do only u will believe whatever i said??...
do u know how hurt is my heart??...
im so dissapointed with u and feel upset about this...
what can i do??.................

2009

year 2009...many things happened in this year althought its not ended yet.....
lifestyle had changed....
from college student become a self study student plus part time waitress...
from having two groups of college friends become left none...
from status:in relationship for years become single...

begining of 2009 was good...new year, chinese new year, my birthday, genting trip with college frens....
enjoyed these days and left a good memories for 2009...

mid of 2009...final exam, results, career...
like all the trouble things happened in one time....
final exam was terrible...
no matter how hard i study also couldn't do well in the exam...know this when i get the papers...
that is it, no doubt, results was sucks...
even i myself cant believed this fact..
cried over and over just because of this...
dare not to tell my parent but still have to at the end....
entered job in July...all the while working at the same place but knowing different things...
besides knowledges but also politics in restaurant...
wonder is there any place that everyone can live without politics...
problems all come at once...
family, friends, relationship, studies...
4 main fields in life...had problems with them all at once and couldn't solve...
almost cried every night every moment when i think about it...
but i believed time will help...
so now, time had help me solved part of the problems in each field but not all...
is it problems will come non stop and this is so call life??...
and quite hard to make decision nowadays...
even small things also cant make decision on my own...
like where to have lunch in working day...this is the most headache question when i got work...

end of 2009...
wonder how will it be...
can i free from problems???....
can i overcome all the obstacles in my life???...
can i live happily without tears???...
i hope...it will be good and will feel glad when i turn back...
because i learned lessons and get knowledges and teories that cant be found in books in 2009...

The rest of "Penang" day

Allright...i know im very terrible because after so so so so so long only continue posting my penang trip somemore less photo but pls forgive me la...cause before tat i mmg very lazy and have to study mah..keke...so now continue...

ok..come to 3rd day now...
morning everyone was so lazy to wake up except..weijin...

he woke up about 7am then wake us up at 9am...

so as usual...one by one we wake up and we only able to start out journey afternoon...

we went down to hotel lobby and wait for Shyen to come pick us up...

then we go makan har mee...i dont know where is it but i know its super delicious...
somemore need booking...if not normally afternoon they had finished...

then we went Penang Hill,but unfortunately we cant go up because the tram is under maintenance...

so we went to temple...its so difference from what i seen last time...

have some new buildings and some even stil under constuction...

me,weijin,hongshen and kahyan donated some money for the new building and we get this...

after that we went back to hotel for shower then we go dinner - Thai food...

again...super delicious and spicy...but i like it..keke...

back to hotel..plan to go clubbing but seems everyone was not interested so we balik and sleep...

4th day...exciting day...cause we played war game in penang...

my first time playing wei...so exciting..but end up with hurts on hand..*thanks cheeler..back to the game...we played 4 rounds if im not mistaken with no win no lose...and everyone start calling me superwomen cause i,as a girl shooting and "fight" in this war and my group won 2 rounds...kaka...took boat back to main island(bcause this war game is in an island near penang) then we went hongshen's aunt house to shower,swim,canoe-ing and watch badminton match....actually still got alot of stories behind war game and canoe-ing...but again..im lazy..keke...after the match only we went for dinner then back to hotel...exciting,exhausted day but yet we only sleep for few hours, keep chit-chating for the whole night....

come to last day...kc's mum come and fetch us from hotel to lunch to souvinier shop to bus station....thanks so much aunt..

so this is my penang trip in 2008...with alot of happiness,funny story which i will remembered it forever...thanks for giving me this happy holiday...

Penang Trip 15th Aug 2008

15th Aug 08 – 5.45am

Atlast we reached Butterworth station…everyone get down the train wif a blur face..haha..

We tk ferry to Penang Island

and wait at bus stop..KY slpin..on..Hong Shen's pillow( so sweet....)...haha....so, who we wait??..KC and her cousin bro....Then we go makan breakfast..dim sum...nice n tradisional breakfast..haha..

Becz evry1 is so tired n belum gosok gigi..so we went to KC cousin’bro hse to wash n bath..sambil watch Olympic and…gamble again…but this time without money..haa

Some slp….....zzzzzzz.........................

After that we went Gurney Plaza for Red Box. Be4 tat lets tk a group photo…and lets introduce…(back left) Kelvin, HongShen, CheeLer, KahYan, Kentrick...(front left) KC, WeiJin, Esther, Rica..*soli guys if I spell ur name wrongly..hehe

Everyone sing..but wif dead face..haha..

KC is the best lah..she cheer us up wif rapping a song on the chair..Smack That..act gt video..bt..she dnt wana to show..haha

Time to check in hotel...2 rooms...act is girl n guy separate...bt atlast...campur pulak...haha...me n boss(Kelvin)hvin pillow war in one of the room...

lunch having in Shyen(KC cousin bro) hse…his grandma cook…vry nice…bt dint tk pic..hhe…summore gt dessert..lychee ice..haha…

Then we go swimming pool…we ply thr...I be the camera women

n also enjoy the sun..haha..

at night..we went to gurney drive to have dinner..food no bad..c thy eat til so hapi oh..haha..

time to go back hotel to slp..KC on phone wif her cousin bro(planing 2mrw trip...i think so)aduh..y lah gurls room geh luggage so messy??...aiks....

Penang Trip 14th Aug 08

Haha..super fun days with my college frenz in Penang...
4 days 3 nights plus 1 night in train..
lets review back day by day on wats our fun things in Penang bah..

14th Aug 08 - 8.45pm

Train had just leave KL Sentral...
5 guys 3 gurls...
so what we do in the train??...
lets see...

some in phone...with mum??with gurlfren??haha...ask him...

some with books and mp3...

allrite...gamble time...is reli gamble...ply money de leh...

some...sms??plyin hp games??...dnt knw...

this couple...chating on one bed...and watch movie in weijin's PSP...kungfu panda and wall-e...

allrite...so this r all activity we do in the train...and ofcz we gt chat lah...
midnite...evryone cnt slp cz d train is damn shaky...summore sum ppl hungry...so thy walk all the way to canteen n eat...haha...